Mr. Dollar Bill Hands
There was this guy named Mark. Handsome fellow. His favorite thing was eating delicious spaghetti, especially the act of twirling the noodles with his fork. But he wanted more money.
One day a little elf visited him and said, “Mark, wish for what you want, but it has to be the thing you want, not the money to buy the thing.” Mark kicked him in the face. Because of that the elf put a spell on Mark that turned Mark’s hands into one dollar bills. One bill connected to each arm where his hands once were.
Mark was terrified and the elf laughed and vanished into thin air. Mark searched everywhere for that elf. Finally, Mark gave up and went to the hospital. The doctors were amazed. Mark became a national news story. The world’s smartest minds couldn’t understand how his wrists merged perfectly with those flat one dollar bills.
Mark became famous. People gave him endorsement deals. He became very rich. But he was sad because he couldn’t use his hands. They were just flappy, flacid, pieces of paper. Mark grew tired of the fame and the money. One day he remembered what the elf had said and wished for something specific, “I wish I had a bowl of the best spaghetti in the world.”
The next night he went to a restaurant, but had to sit in the back because people made too much of a fuss over him. The waiter told Mark that the chef had a surprise. The waiter returned with a plate of the best spaghetti in the world. He placed it on the table along with a beautiful fork for twirling the spaghetti. Mark smiled and was finally happy again.
Mark licked his lips and reached for the shiny fork, but his flappy bill hands just brushed against it. He tried harder, pushing his wrists together to hold the fork, but the fork just dropped to the floor. Mark cried. The chef came to say hello. Mark looked up, miserable, and through his tears he saw that the chef was the spellcastin’ elf. The elf laughed and laughed and Mark never got to twirl spaghetti ever again.